"I am a little burnt out"... was the last thing my son's snowboard instructor said to me after we spent the last 3 days skiing/snowboarding. My husband and I are lucky enough to be involved in the medical staffing for the Dew Tour (an extreme sports competition) and had the opportunity to spend several days in Killington, VT with our son. This is an amazing opportunity for our son but every year I hesitate about making the trip with him. We need to negotiate work and play which is always a difficult balance with Kaya. As always he initially resisted taking lessons because he has had enough feedback at this point to know that he doesn't do well in group settings. If it were up to him we would do all day private lessons, however, this is pretty cost prohibitive.
So after the usual negotiations and reassurances that he would likely be on of the only kids taking group lessons in the middle of the week on a non-school vacation week we dropped him off at ski school. I am sure those of you with a child with learning differences/ADHD/autism can relate to the difficulty of explaining to yet another person who is "new" to your child what to expect. On the outside and in his best moments he seems like every other 9 year old boy so when you launch into your 30 minute preamble about what to expect and that you'll have your cell phone on you should there be any issues, the "new" person always gives you that look like you are the most overbearing/neurotic parent on earth. I can't tell you how many times I've heard, "don't worry, I've had plenty of kids like him". Every time, I wonder "should I have even brought it up?, I'm sure it will be fine", but without fail I come to pick him up and they say "he seemed worried" or "do you know he talks ALOT" and then I remember, oh yeah, I DO know my child. I have to resist saying, "remember those 30 minutes when you were thinking - wow this mom is overbearing - well that was me telling you!"
Although, at the end or our really pretty good ski/snowboard trip I have to say "kudos" to both Kaya and his instructor for making it 3 full days together. I feel a little guilty that it makes me feel a little better to know that Kaya exhausted someone new after only 3 days, because I spend a lot of my time exhausted and I find it hard to explain and I feel like I must be missing something. It just reminds me that it is tiring to care for somehow who is "always on the go"....
If you struggle with "explaining" your child every time you put him in a new setting with a new teacher/supervisor, I have come across the idea of making a "biography" page for you child that covers the basics like likes/dislikes, things you need to know, etc....
Check out the parentingspecialneeds.org.....http://parentingspecialneeds.org/attachments/19_about_me_forms.pdf
Thanks for taking the time to come and share this morning! Please email me, as I'd love to chat a bit more about what you've learned as I start down this road with my son.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this post. I have had similar experiences of being looked at like a disaster of a mother while going through the "explanation" and the subsequent validation of seeing someone else exhausted in just a few hours. I also tend to assume that I must be an inadequate mother somehow, but those moments of validation (and this post) help me believe that it's not all in my head, and it really is hard. Thanks.